Sharpening Integrity

Every day we are faced with choices. Choices to accept an offer, to choose our words and about how we present ourselves. Lately God has been talking to me about integrity.
Integrity is one of those things I think most of us hope we have. We avoid blatant lying; we try to tell the truth to the government about income and finances. We try to say what we mean. If you are like me and have had to work very intentionally on people pleasing tendencies, it can be more complicated. Sometimes we haven’t even acknowledged to ourselves what we really want because we are so wired to do what pleases others. This can make communicating our desires less direct and take more processing time. Integrity is important. More important than money, the Bible says. Proverbs 28:6


That means that even giving a false impression about something intentionally to procure or protect something of value to you, is a lack of integrity. Whether or not there is overt lying.


Look at our current culture. The “fake it till you make it” ideology is rampant. It feels “normal “ in the business world to create an image of who you are that doesn’t pertain to real life in order to create an impression of competency or validation.


Here’s a couple of areas I feel God’s highlighter on that we can be very intentional to sharpen our integrity:

1.Learn to live the advice you offer. This can be tricky. If I’m offering social media advice, life coaching advice, marriage or inner healing advice, I need to work on my own self-control so I can model it, even in the little things. Whether that’s drinking enough water in a day or honoring my husband. These little things take work, but they are part of the overall picture of integrity.


2.Evaluate yourself and what you have accomplished honestly to others. In a conversation with someone just yesterday we were discussing the times you hear yourself saying something and then realize that wasn’t exactly an accurate statement or it gave un untrue impression. This is a good time to ask God “Do I need to go back and clarify what I said so that I wasn’t unintentionally deceiving? Do I need to apologize for how I said that and “go low” to give a more accurate perspective?”

3.Be honest with your areas of struggle. In this AI generated world, people want authentic. It is becoming a rare, strange gift. If you struggle share it. This will not only disarm shame from hitting others, but they will feel the capacity to operate from a place of vulnerability and share openly too. Safe people don’t pretend to have it all together.
4.Funding. This area came up recently in a small group discussion we were having on church hurt. The redemptive gifts of teacher and giver in the group wanted to have clear information about how much money came in, where it went, when people were fundraising. Big personalities, or compassionate driven ones, that can get a crowd emotionally hyped to give also need the individuals in their corporation that keep track of the details where is the money going. Yes, individuals should learn to trust and not operate in suspicion, but organizations also need to create systems where they can share openly when requested. I know as a couple starting a not for profit who just recently did a fundraiser for our trip to Switzerland this can mean a lot of background detail work, to keep the books clean and organized. It’s a challenge to me as I grow our team and continue to build towards all that God calls us to. This will be an ongoing goal and it’s a good reminder for me that some people are in the details. This one is also challenging because a budget slot doesn’t tell the personal stories of who was profoundly impacted by a healing session, who’s life has been transformed. (That’s the world I live in as a mercy) So for me, I need to learn to serve the body in integrity to build information systems that convey trustworthiness.

5.Saying what you mean. I alluded to this before. I have always been an emotional intuitive processor. For the other redemptive gifts like teacher or ruler who can quickly easily assess things and come up with a clear statement of what they want and mean on the spot,I admit I have always been a little intimidated by you. The ability to say what I need in a way that communicates clearly, in the moment I need it, is challenging. I am a feeler. I have 100 body impressions to discern ( ok that’s an exaggeration) and take all the emotional data and discernment data before concluding. I admit, as I rely on Holy Spirit more, I am getting quicker to say what he pops into my head even if I haven’t analyzed it all yet. This helps a lot. Some of you are lost right now trying to figure out what I am talking about so let me give you a concrete illustration. Not long ago I was in a relational transition with an individual and the group of people I had been serving with. I was exiting. I remember hearing myself saying. I’m not leaving because I have been hurt but because of “x,y,z.” At the time I said it I totally believed myself. And although that wasn’t my reason for leaving, I realized later that I was hurt. I hadn’t finished thinking through it. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I wanted to be the “I’m ok, everything is ok” person in the moment to create some level of stability or sense of safety and comfort. But it wasn’t the truth. I was hurt. It would have been better not to say that I wasn’t. This too is part of integrity: knowing yourself so you can be direct. If you are unsure, leave it out or ask for time to process before sharing more. I’ve learned over time I don’t have to keep everyone around me happy in order to feel safe. I still have to tell myself this intentionally. If someone is mad or upset with me, it’s not because I did something wrong. I can be truthful with myself and others. Keeping the peace is NOT more important than integrity. As Canadians we can do this trying to be “nice “ all the time but scripture says “the righteous are bold as a lion”. We can learn to say what we mean.

 6.Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Don’t offer to do something with someone in the moment that you regret keeping your word for later. Sometimes I want to do more than I can. I will offer to go do something with someone, knowing that the stress would wear me out of trying to fit in too much. Learn not to make offers “we should hang out some day” if you plan to keep it low on your list of priorities. If someone else say that to you. Be honest! Don’t give them the impression you’d like to just “hang out” if you can’t afford to commit to that right now. Let yourself off the hook and be honest. “I‘m sorry I’m struggling to balance some of my other commitments and rest right now I can’t add one more thing to my plate.”


Am I good at all these yet? No, they are a work in progress, but they are a firm goal. I want to sharpen my integrity in a big way. I want to return the funds if a teller overpaid me, I want to be courageous and open. I hope you do too. I want to stand out in courage and integrity. I want to shine in a dark world.
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     I’ve been pondering what area my niche of life coaching is. (different from inner healing) I think it could best be summed up in helping Ministry leaders, coaches leaders avoid ( or heal) burnout and keeping a healthy balance to not let people pleasing rule your life. (I know that's pretty wordy, but I’ll work on it.) Especially in ministry, this is essential to keep integrity. Not only the kind of truth telling integrity we are talking about above, but the kind of integrity that means & SOUNDNESS under pressure. The ability to stay true and strong, whole and undivided. I help people learn boundaries, learn to take good care of themselves so they can be their best for the people they are called to serve. I want to help people to discern what is God’s assignment for them and what to take off themselves so they can walk lighter. I’ve had to learn all this the hard way. If you are an empathic person and feel like you are carrying too much in ministry because of people pleasing, this might be the right fit for you! If you want to get my summer discount of 25% off of our 3-session life coaching package, use the code RENEW & go here 

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