I often ask myself why I have such deep aching questions… Questions that don’t find simple answers when I take a good hard look at my reality versus my perceptions…..
Why don’t I feel celebrated… only tolerated.??
Do I threaten others?
Why do I feel unvalued?
Am I too much?
Am I overthinking this?
I can make lists of circumstances in my head where these perceptions are proved false and dismantled at least in most circumstances… so why the nagging ache as if coming from an old wound… ???
Can you relate to these feelings...? I hear them from myself and those who come for deliverance. And honestly. I’m not done processing… Something in the deepest part of my spirit needs rewiring; a new script, and I suspect it comes from pre-womb perceptions that washed over me….. the part of my spirit that intuitively knew I was a surprise or too much; The 4 th child in an already busy family of birth children and foster kids… the feeling of a sense that my grandparents thought I was too much.. although they didn’t know me… like 4 was a mistake… or being a girl was a mistake….or dare I voice it the thought that I was a mistake…..And there it is the deep down deception lies that are at the root of the tree…. For many……
It’s very easy for the enemy to undo God’s big plans for us if he can convince us that we are a mistake, or unwanted or never enough….
If the enemy can convince us that nothing we are or do is worth anything... then he can leave us in a crumpled mess and dismantle the powerful weapon that we are created to be… It’s why value and identity are so very important. Not just as a general truth.. “ God loves you” but as a deep reality… “You exist because God willed you into existence “ He willed you into existence because His Kingdom plans are inherently connected to you existing; you being on the Earth for this time and this season; That regardless of what lie is echoing out of what wound in your soul… You are deeply important! Your life is deeply important…For who you are is what you carry. What you emit into the world, what you are created to release is intrinsically, vitally important to God!
So I speak to my soul and spirit.. that part of me that wasn’t sure when I was being born if I would be loved and valued or just a burden, I speak to my spirit and soul and say…..
If you haven’t received Jesus as your Savior yet He is longing to see you that way and to create that reality of unflawed and perfect as your life record. When he looks at you there is a perfect record of amazing loving acts of kindness as beauty… and that’s all he can see.. the beauty and wonder…. He has selective vision….
Holy Spirit on the other Hand.. He sees it all.. He’s like the perfect life coach! He has the energy and the power to encourage you to become everything you were created for .. He can infuse you with power and strength to over come every obstacle, every mistake…. Yes he points out mistakes, but in such a redemptive way.. so that we can overcome.. He says” here you go, Let’s take a good hard look at this and make a strategy, a battle plan to move you from where you are to the mountain top…”
No shaming, No condemnation, just excited motivation that brings transformation. Loving correction that brings LIFE into our bleak outlook… He shows us the pathway out…
And then there’s Jesus: Gentle friend, fierce warrior… His passion for righteousness and His gift.. to be everything He is as we die and live with Him…. As we figure out that abiding in Him is so amazing and the Joy that comes from loving like He does.. Just like He said…. The joy of living in a posture of living to love….
And the fulfillment that it brings to not seek answers but to seek HIM and to live in HIM and have our being in Him, because suddenly all the lies of being unappreciated fall to the ground- because He was… He was so undervalued, but He found Joy in loving, not in being valued. He came into a stable for God’s sake.. and/or - for man’s sake… and choose to be undervalued for a season in order to release his gift- the git of Himself into the world…
So if Christ can come into the world, His life a carrying so much purpose and yet so many around him wondering if He belonged, if He was a mistake or if he had a right to exist… then all My questions find their answers in Him….. OF COURSE if God sent Me here…..then the lies about significance and value, and whether or not people see and value me is irrelevant… GOD SEES ME. I AM HERE FOR A BIGGER PURPOSE. Man’s actions reactions can never put a value on My purpose or on ME…. And that’s the truth. My perceptions are not a reality….. and I can take off the old glasses that seek to justify the lies from the enemy and live in a Godly perception….
Heaven celebrates Me…. I am connected to Christ and His purposes in Me.. and I will bear much fruit as I abide…. And I will always be celebrated by God Hoy Spirit and the father.. they are rooting for me.. they are cheering me on. They pray for me all the time and I am so special so valued and the deepest parts of my souls and spirit need to hear it…
AND SO ARE YOU.
Heaven celebrates you! You area gift to the world.. You have so much embedded into who you are to release from Heaven into the world . Don’t forget it ….
And P.S. SOUL ... (I tell myself) Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Your vulnerability is a weapon, and it unlocks prison doors for others.. Keep it real!