I often ask myself why I have such deep aching questions… Questions that don’t find simple answers when I take a good hard look at my reality versus my perceptions…..
Why don’t I feel celebrated… only tolerated.??
Do I threaten others?
Why do I feel unvalued?
Am I too much?
Am I overthinking this?
I can make lists of circumstances in my head where these perceptions are proved false and dismantled at least in most circumstances… so why the nagging ache as if coming from an old wound… ???
Can you relate to these feelings...? I hear them from myself and those who come for deliverance. And honestly. I’m not done processing… Something in the deepest part of my spirit needs rewiring; a new script, and I suspect it comes from pre-womb perceptions that washed over me….. the part of my spirit that intuitively knew I was a surprise or too much; The 4 th child in an already busy family of birth children and foster kids… the feeling of a sense that my grandparents thought I was too much.. although they didn’t know me… like 4 was a mistake… or being a girl was a mistake….or dare I voice it the thought that I was a mistake…..And there it is the deep down deception lies that are at the root of the tree…. For many……
It’s very easy for the enemy to undo God’s big plans for us if he can convince us that we are a mistake, or unwanted or never enough….
If the enemy can convince us that nothing we are or do is worth anything... then he can leave us in a crumpled mess and dismantle the powerful weapon that we are created to be… It’s why value and identity are so very important. Not just as a general truth.. “ God loves you” but as a deep reality… “You exist because God willed you into existence “ He willed you into existence because His Kingdom plans are inherently connected to you existing; you being on the Earth for this time and this season; That regardless of what lie is echoing out of what wound in your soul… You are deeply important! Your life is deeply important…For who you are is what you carry. What you emit into the world, what you are created to release is intrinsically, vitally important to God!
So I speak to my soul and spirit.. that part of me that wasn’t sure when I was being born if I would be loved and valued or just a burden, I speak to my spirit and soul and say…..
If you haven’t received Jesus as your Savior yet He is longing to see you that way and to create that reality of unflawed and perfect as your life record. When he looks at you there is a perfect record of amazing loving acts of kindness as beauty… and that’s all he can see.. the beauty and wonder…. He has selective vision….
Holy Spirit on the other Hand.. He sees it all.. He’s like the perfect life coach! He has the energy and the power to encourage you to become everything you were created for .. He can infuse you with power and strength to over come every obstacle, every mistake…. Yes he points out mistakes, but in such a redemptive way.. so that we can overcome.. He says” here you go, Let’s take a good hard look at this and make a strategy, a battle plan to move you from where you are to the mountain top…”
No shaming, No condemnation, just excited motivation that brings transformation. Loving correction that brings LIFE into our bleak outlook… He shows us the pathway out…
And then there’s Jesus: Gentle friend, fierce warrior… His passion for righteousness and His gift.. to be everything He is as we die and live with Him…. As we figure out that abiding in Him is so amazing and the Joy that comes from loving like He does.. Just like He said…. The joy of living in a posture of living to love….
And the fulfillment that it brings to not seek answers but to seek HIM and to live in HIM and have our being in Him, because suddenly all the lies of being unappreciated fall to the ground- because He was… He was so undervalued, but He found Joy in loving, not in being valued. He came into a stable for God’s sake.. and/or - for man’s sake… and choose to be undervalued for a season in order to release his gift- the git of Himself into the world…
So if Christ can come into the world, His life a carrying so much purpose and yet so many around him wondering if He belonged, if He was a mistake or if he had a right to exist… then all My questions find their answers in Him….. OF COURSE if God sent Me here…..then the lies about significance and value, and whether or not people see and value me is irrelevant… GOD SEES ME. I AM HERE FOR A BIGGER PURPOSE. Man’s actions reactions can never put a value on My purpose or on ME…. And that’s the truth. My perceptions are not a reality….. and I can take off the old glasses that seek to justify the lies from the enemy and live in a Godly perception….
Heaven celebrates Me…. I am connected to Christ and His purposes in Me.. and I will bear much fruit as I abide…. And I will always be celebrated by God Hoy Spirit and the father.. they are rooting for me.. they are cheering me on. They pray for me all the time and I am so special so valued and the deepest parts of my souls and spirit need to hear it…
AND SO ARE YOU.
Heaven celebrates you! You area gift to the world.. You have so much embedded into who you are to release from Heaven into the world . Don’t forget it ….
And P.S. SOUL ... (I tell myself) Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Your vulnerability is a weapon, and it unlocks prison doors for others.. Keep it real!
An encouraging word for those who are weary ...
It’s been a while you are tired and thirsty, and you don’t know what to drink to restore your soul, but remember I am the Living Water. Remember I am the One who brings springs of refreshing out of your belly. I am the one who Saves, who Heals who Delivers. REST in My ability to be all these things to you, through you and in you; to be your Healer, to be your restorer, to bring back what the enemy stole and to multiply you greatly as you lay your life down in surrender to me. The “yes” will be costly but the JOY will be great! Great will be your reward in Heaven as well but as you focus on Me, I say great will be your reward on Earth as well for you will see My glory... manifesting in and around you and through the people I bring to you to release My Joy, My glory and My forever bliss. I am not grieved with you. I am encouraging you, keep moving forward, keep moving on. Continue your “yes” Journey to My heart no matter the cost and I say it will be well with your soul…not merely for salvation but for a living hope: pulsating, effervescent inside of you and spilling out where you walk, where you talk and where you release MY miracles. Remember I am in you to release the miracles I sent you on Earth to do. You are the answer to someone’s prayer because I live and breathe in you.
Don’t be discouraged or dismayed. I am strengthening you as you keep a superglue focus on my ways…Keep looking for ME in the midst of the storm and you will see me amidst the dark clouds, Ps 97:2,3. I am not worried or anxious… and I’m not asking you to be. Pray in faith for My glory to be revealed and it will…Pray for my saints, My beloved ones to stand strong in the battle and they will shine brightly. Pray for your heart to stay soft towards me so that I can do all that I desire with you, and it will be so sweet. And the water I pour out of you will be sweet streams of refreshing, for all to drink from freely.
I heard the Lord saying today
“ My glory is unrestricted. My glory is unrestricted. My glory is unrestricted. “
Let My glory Fill your home. Ley My glory Fill the air. Let My glory Fill your songs. Let My glory Fill your words and your voice. Let My glory Fill you with resurrection power to reimagine and reignite the things that felt stuck. Let My glory be inventive in you. I will bring you fun! I will bring you JOY.
Remember I am the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. Align yourself with ME and you will see My glory. Do not fret about evil doers… Come into My presence and have your perspective changed, for I can change leaders like the direction of the wind. I can shift things when I am ready. Meanwhile… Trust in ME. Trust in My protection. Cover yourself in Me. Spend time saturated in MY glory fire until you cannot help but purge everything you touch. My all-consuming fire is in you and if you desire... I will burn up all the dross and leave you glistening like snow, like fresh melted gold, like freshly cleaned jewels. You will be My shining ones and I will Father you through this time of hardship (for many).. But My glory fire will increase in you until the flames of My passion burst forth out the secret places and out of the caves into the open square and the world will see but will not understand. For not all are called by My name, and many will WONDER, and drink and be satisfied from My eternal springs. I will raise you up to be a people Mighty and Bejeweled with MY love and My holiness; A movement of the Fear of God and Compassion, of the Fire of God and of MY Manifest Love Power.
But for now, let yourself be saturated in My presence. Nothing is so important that My love and My presence should not be always in your mind. Listen to the songs I sing over you. Let them bubble up in your spirit. Sing them to others. Overflow with the rhythm of My Spirit directing you, leading you, speaking through you to the strangers in the market and the interactions you have every day. Let every conversation be seasoned with salt… MY LOVE, which makes them thirst for more, My eyes that see prophetically who they are and call them fully into MORE: MY dwelling place in You, reverberating with the essence of Heaven: The sound of Heaven ringing out like a sword being unsheathed.
I heard the Father today:
I don’t want you to stress or worry or fret about the future. I’ve got so much GOOD in store for you! Don’t waste today with Worry. Instead, be a light in My Kingdom. I have good plans for you, above and beyond all you could ask or think. My sacrifice and My covenant are still intact. MY power still redeems your life from the curse, and I have conquered Hell and all it’s forces. BE STILL and know that I am God and that I am Good. As you open your heart up to expect My goodness you will begin to see it unravelling in greater and greater revelation and experience before you. You don’t have to compromise to see My goodness. But DO let go of the stress, the pain, the need to win the war with your neighbors, the deception that latched on to you. Do let go and be free. The world will not fall apart if you back out of the emotional wars, you feel the need to fight, in your head... Being fully awake doesn’t mean partnering with an argumentative spirit. Being awake as My bride means seeing the needs I see. The hearts that bleed and the hands I’ve given you to heal those around you. Being awake means that you are alert to what I’m telling you and showing you. I DON” T HAVE A FOREBODING SPIRIT. I am not worried about your future. Your future is hidden in Me purchased at the cross. You are to dwell in Me. Abide in Me, and you will bear much fruit. Let go of the anxiety that compels you to win arguments and say your piece. I want you to release MY PEACE. The world is in desperate need of you… to release peace wherever you go. It will break off cancer, depression, anxiety and more. I call you to walk as the savior…. Christ in you- the Hope of Glory- on this earth. Not to be co-dependent (insecure if you feel unneeded or unappreciated) but go where I send you, (even when others don’t understand), and do what I call you to do. I will awaken you to Heavenly Realms, Heavenly Promises and Heavenly Sight to speak over people’s lives to bring them into the Kingdom. I am not alone. We are many; you and I and the cloud of witnesses, the myriads of angels and we are cheering you on. We are so delighted in your choice of FAITH over FEAR. WE are so delighted in your faith in the Promises of God over your life. We are so delighted in your treasure being stored up in Heaven and not the earth, that you live with a Kingdom mindset. You don’t need to win. You need to stand your ground, Heb 10:32, and keep the faith. Don’t lose heart... Open your heart and more will open up for you in this season than you have ever seen before. This is your promise land season if you believe for it, I will open the doors for the REST.
I’ve been contemplating identities. How false identities can carry demonic wounds that are deep and sometimes lead to severe mental issues. How what we believe about the nature and character of Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit can create landing places for the enemy, especially if we had parents that justified harsh or abusive behaviour with their pet scriptures or who ridiculed us using labels like “ monster” etc.. The more I’ve been learning how to access the brokenness of people in Deliverance and Inner Healing,, the more these identity issues about ourselves and God becomes apparent.. The demons nest in identity lies.. and keep people stuck.” This is just the way I am…” they say.
But Jesus , the real Jesus, who lives again, the author and perfecter of our faith is so gentle…. He doesn’t scold when people expect Him to but He is Holy. He doesn’t tolerate sin… He takes it away…. “ Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world”
The more I encounter religious demons. The more I am grateful for the work of the cross. You see religious spirit ( that often try to sound like God in your head) will sing songs and quote scripture all in an effort to put people into an endless merry go round of never being good enough. When this is backed up by an upbringing where you were only praised for what you did, and more often scolded for what you hadn’t done right….. your spirit has a landing place for demonic wounds…
But Jesus, Rich in Mercy has shown us the way out. He is so gracious…. He doesn’t give us a to do list…. Cover your head when you pray, wash your hands, brush your teeth, never miss devotions, don’t dye your hair, wear a skirt, don’t watch this or that….or else Hell is always waiting… NO!. Jesus says come to me all who labour and are heavy laden and I will give you REST…. Take my yoke upon you…..
You will find rest for your souls…. Some of you haven’t been able to rest for a very long time. The noise in your head... the woulda shoulda coulda voices are incessant slave drivers… but they can be silenced as you meditate on the Truth.. Jesus Paid it all!! He’s knocking at the door of your heart because He wants to come near, and dine with You. He actually likes to be around you but He wants to be invited… to spend time with you to eat and drink the things He’s prepared. Sit and REST. Rest from always trying to impress the crowd. Rest from always trying to be worthy enough for the love of the Father… Jesus already did that for you. Rest from the noise and listen to the quiet heartbeat of God that says, its already paid.. the price has been paid in full, you are invited to come close… I am trustworthy. Righteousness is a gift we are given.. not something we earn through striving.. Intimacy with God is a gift, not a lofty ambition we work for through piety…
We can do good works for God from a place of love and rest… But not to earn it… It’s like trying to pay a grocery bill for your groceries that the man in front of you already paid. It’s complete… it won’t be revoked…. But you have a choice to receive or to continue in unbelief..
We often think unbelief is just in the miracle/ faith healing realm… but can I tell you its also in the realm of knowing that His blood bought you and made you worthy and changed your identity.. so you don’t live with a negative identity.. you manifest the nature of the son of God… People can know this at head level, but when it begins to saturate the wounds that have trapped your soul, and you grab this truth in faith, you will be set free. So much stress, anxiety and unworthiness falls off. Depression often leaves when we acknowledge that what He says about us is true… And He is better than we’ve ever known, because lets be honest, even the most amazing father can’t measure up to the loving goodness of God.